Buying fast report 2 from my friend

From my co-conspirator, her report about the second of our six month buying fast:

I made two purchases in August – and while so doing I was keenly aware of precisely why I broke my ‘no new purchase diet.’ In fact, my impulse was akin to indulging in a bowl of luscious chocolate ice cream – short term gratification at a high price. But it was more than that. During a difficult economic period I needed to feel in control. I needed to feel that I had purchasing power. Both items that I bought were incredibly modest [jeans and sneakers] but that was not the point. Nor was it the point that I could easily justify both. More to the point was that I used those two moments to fill an emotional need – buying as filling empty spaces, holes that need to be plugged by more gainful pursuits. In fact the entire enterprise – from leaving my house because the silence was too loud, to driving fifteen minutes, to entering the store which smelled as if the clothes had been doused with chemicals, did not give me peace either. For the 20 or so minutes that I played dress up in the dressing room, I pretended l could be someone else and suspend myself temporarily. But in fact I can’t assume a new identity in a dressing room. Nor can purchasing offer me control or power. And so, in this unique season of confession and hope, I hope to fill the empty spaces with that which is real, purposeful and enduring.